Looking Backwards

I went through all my blog posts in 2012 {all 331 of them} and picked out some fond memories of this past year. I always forget experiences and progress until I go back and look at pictures. That is the main purpose of this blog . . . to capture snapshots of my life :)

Superbowl // Childhood Home // Brother Moved Here // Before & After School Room

C & C Wedding // E & E Wedding // The Hunger Games // Completed 2nd Year

Lifeguarding Job // Read Through Entire Bible // OUAT Recaps // New Bedroom Shelves

Chaperoning at YC // Girls Group Diva Dinner // Plane Ride // Best Friend Kate

23 Before 24 // Chalkboard Wall // Olympics // Finished 365 Photo-A-Day Challenge

Sister's Visit // Dyed Hair Red // Art Show // 3rd Year

T & F Wedding // Final OSCE // Katniss for Halloween // Youth & Young Adults Retreat

500th BlogPost // Dressember // Les Miserables // Family Christmas

So much has happened this past year, and I am so very grateful for every day and every experience. Thanks for sticking with me through a crazy, wonderful year.

Happy 2012!

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Empty

Brother encouraged me to post more writing on my blog. I admit my style is pictures and not many words.
Today, however, . . . is words.

There are a collections of buildings in our town. They are empty. They have been boarded up and sitting there for at least a year {if not longer}. They were deemed unsafe in the middle of the night. Although there has been a lot of talk as to what is going to happen with the buildings and land, so far, nothing has happened {This is not a rant on our municipality. I happen to really like our municipality. There is a metaphor in this}.

When I walked by the empty apartments today, I was struck with their relativity to life. Sometimes, I stand there . . . empty. Sometimes, I don't fill up with life and let good things happen. Yet at the same time, I don't tear down the bad parts and rebuild. Sometimes, I am just stagnant.

And that's not good. Because I'm not doing anything. I either need to continuously fill myself with the good, pure, and true things of this world. Or I need to tear down the bad, gross, and wrong things and start anew.

I don't ever want to be empty. That's not life. That's not purpose. That's just standing there through every season neither moving nor growing.

In the end, it takes activity in order to avoid being empty.

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No. 332 - We Found God In A Hopeless Place

Is the title too much? Sorry. I am writing this at 5:30 in the morning, so you can't ask for much.

It's been a while since I've written what I call a "God post" or "faith post" or whatever. Just wanted to share a little of where God has been taking me in my life lately.

More than ever, He's been saying You can't do this without me. Life lately has been all about being humble and surrendering. It's been about speaking the truth and acting on it. It's been about giving up my own desires and plans for the ones He has for me.

Not easy.

Here are a couple of verses that have found there way into my journal lately.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Romans 5:1-2.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sigh.

Ephesians 1:4.

So, as evidenced in the above Scripture, truth and humility are what is going on in my life right now,
and through that, I am rediscovering God every day.

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No. 228 - The Big Questions

Disclaimer: This is not a usual light & fluffy post.

Two things happened this weekend:

1. Close friends of mine got married.
2. Close friends of mine lost their father.

It put a new meaning to the word "bittersweet". Needless to say, I have spent a lot of time chatting with the Lord about these two things. Here are the things that I've thought about and discovered.

Let's start with marriage. Marriage is an outward commitment of love. It is not only entering into a covenant with each other, but it is entering into a covenant with God and before family and friends. Now, love is not a human thing. It is not a human norm (human nature=selfishness). To go to the extreme, true love is impossible to achieve. However despite our inabilities to come even close to unconditional love, our Lord has given us numerous chances to try (and mess up). Marriage is one of those chances. He puts us into the closest relationship known to man and helps and guides us to love each other. Why? Well, this blog entry is called questions not answers. So my conclusion to marriage and love is, I will be praying for my two friends who started their journey to love unconditionally.

Alright, now the tough one . . . death. Humanity has tried to explain death since . . . forever. It is unexplainable. It is confusing. It has no pattern or reason. However, one thing I can reason. The reason for the sadness and mourning after death is the loss of a loved one. I don't cry for Mr. R. I cry for his family. I cry because they have just entered into a commitment to continue on in life without the support and presence of their father. Why do they have to continue on? My conclusion is that I will be praying for my friends who started their journey to love without their loved one. 

I wish I had a neat conclusion to wrap up my questions, but I don't.

I can only pray.

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No. 166 - Rewind

Today, I saw a picture of a friend of mine who did a DTS at YWAM Montana. Her comment on the picture was "Sigh . . . Montana." This comment prompted me to think about my time in Montana, which lead me to this blog post.

I think I fall into the trap of thinking I've had the the best moments of my life already or had my closest relationship with God in the past. (Don't laugh. I know I'm only 22.) For example, life in Montana was a simple, rewarding lifestyle, but I think I idolize that lifestyle. Even if I was to go back there right now, I could never recreate those moments and feelings. I can never rewind the past, but wishing to do so, means I am missing out on the moments in the present. 

I am here where I am doing what I am doing interacting with the people around me at this moment in time for a reason. There is no need to rewind. The best is yet to come. 

Lately, I have been viewing my DTS as a jumpstart or a foundation to the rest of my life with God and people. It gave me the basics to live a better life. I should never wish to go back to that fall DTS 2009 because I would be going backwards in my growth. I don't need to rewind.

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No. 161 - Crazy Love

Our Girl's Group is just starting Crazy Love: Overwhelmed By A Relentless God by Francis Chan. I am excited, but also a little nervous. I think that's a good sign. Usually, you are nervous of the unknown or change. I think this book is going to positively influence me.
I'll let you know how it all turns out. 

"When I first saw those images, I had to worship. I didn't want to speak to or 
share it with anyone. I just wanted to sit quietly and admire the Creator." 
- Francis Chan, Chapter 1: Stop Praying-

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No. 154 - Black & White

When we were younger, the world was a lot more black & white.

Strangers were bad.

Sunday school was good.

Swearing was bad.

Santa Claus was good.

Lately, however, I am realizing the world is getting greyer. The lines are getting closer together or perhaps even intertwining. I read somewhere that you cannot turn black into white, but you can change white to black. Interesting thought . . . . Nonetheless, I feel like my world is getting greyer, especially when it is comes to school. When I began nursing, medical decisions and situations were extremely black & white. If this happened, then you did this, which resulted in this. Period. Now, there are lot more factors involved. What about culture? What about ethics? What about family? What about history? All these questions cast a grey light onto the situation. It's harder to see that solid line. Perhaps, what I need to do is figure out what my black & white is. What are my values? What are my beliefs that I will not budge on? What do I stand for? Then from there, I can take each grey situation life throws at me in stride as I sort through the components. 

Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything - Alexander Hamilton

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No. 143 - Highlights of 2011

Although there is no new photograph today, 

here is a collection of the memorable ones in chronological order from 2011.

1. The Hunchback of Notre Dame with my girls in February

2. Spring Break: Auntie Arlene's in the Okanagan and seeing Sarah Brittany on the way.

3. Finishing my first year of school.

4. Stanley Cup Playoffs (even though Vancouver lost)

5. Isaac's Graduation & seeing Crystal for the first time after Haiti/YWAM

6. My 22nd Birthday

7. Bonfires & Volleyball in the summer

8. Adam & Shawna's Wedding in Halifax

9. Heritage Park

10. Beginning 365 day photo challenge

11. Taylor Swift concert with Crystal

12. Calgary Trip with Chris, Charity, TJ, Nick S., Kate, Jonathan, & Nick K.

13. Thanksgiving at Allcocks

14. Halloween Party

15. Learning how to administer medication/Med-Surg rotation at the hospital

16. This Is That Retreat

17. 200 posts on my blog

I'm sure there are many more, but here are the best ones!

Happy New Years Eve!

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Here is brother's weekly video.

Find his Youtube channel here and read about his endeavours here

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No. 135 - To Do List (before I die)

I was cleaning out my room today, and I found this bucket list. I think I originally started this when I was 16, and it's grown and been added to since then. Right now, there are 67 entries on my list. Some of them I have accomplished (22), while some are still out there for the taking (45). Some of them are ridiculous such as have bodyguards for a day, learn to skateboard (not happening), and drive a motorbike. Some are ambitious such as meet someone royal, walk a red carpet, and go to Africa. Some are romantic such as get married or be a grandmother. Some have been completed such as dye my hair with blue streaks, see "The Phantom of the Opera", rescue somebody, and be the voice of an animated character (haha). Anyways, just a nice bit of nostalgia for the day.

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No. 127 - Reflection on Medicine

Today was my last day on Medicine. My group and I went out afterwards (pictured above). These past few weeks have been life-changing. I literally feel like a different person than in October. The biggest thing I learned during this rotation was preparation. I know it's cliched but it is important to be prepared. Only then can you offer the best care possible. 

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No. 124 - Those Days

I've had a few of "those days". You know.

Glad it's the beginning of a new week.

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No. 118 - Letting Go

The theme of the past few days of my life has seemed to be letting go. I feel as if I have been brought to a place more often than not of putting aside the things I rely on and trust in for my security. People will always let you down. Media is shallow and fake. Fashion is ever-changing. Money is unstable. I am not saying all this to be bitter and cynical. I am saying this to challenge myself to look at where my priorities are. Where do I spend my time? Who do I go to for advice? How do I carry myself in public? Weighty questions, yes, but necessary questions in the process of letting go.

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever." 1 John 2:15-17

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No. 107 - Reflection on Surgery

I feel as if I learned a lot in the past three weeks. You go from nervousness and dependence to confidence and independence. It was awesome to grow my skill base and to have different kinds of interactions as a surgery nurse.


I think the biggest thing I learned on the surgery unit is communication and time management. Through all the charting, medications, assessments, and vitals, a nurse is constantly rushing around. But once you enter that client's room, I learned you have to slow down, take a deep breath, and concentrate on them at that time. It doesn't matter about the other things that need taking care of. In that moment, you are with the patient, and they are your priority. 


I am excited for my next few weeks on Medicine!

No. 98 - OR Day

Today was an amazing day. It was my shadowing day in the OR (Operating Room) during my medicine-surgery rotation. What an experience! I saw five different surgeries, all of them so very different. They were all so very fascinating. It was empowering to discover that blood and organs and whatnot don't have any queasy effect on you :) 

I learned two things today. The first was how efficient the OR is run. Everyone knows their respecting roles from the scrub nurse to the circulating nurse to the anesthesiologist to the surgeon to the assisting surgeon to the charge nurse and so on. They can get a patient in, set up, operated on, and taken to the recovery room in less than an hour. 

The second thing I learned was patient care. Now, I had been told how important nursing care and communication was, but today I experienced it on a whole new level! Patients are the most vulnerable as we bring them into the OR and prepare to put them to sleep. What an "out-of-control" feeling that must be! It is in this moment that I discovered how powerful nursing is. We can stay with the patient until they are asleep, comfort them, and encourage them. I will never forget the interactions I had today with those patients in the seconds before the surgery.

Today was amazing. Yet another milestone. Can't wait to go back!